New Life

When I first met River, she was a wild and very out of control Border Collie. Her first couple of years on this planet were spent chained up with an occasional trip off leash. She had never been socialized around other dogs and it seemed pretty clear that she had an appointment with death were I not to intervene. Against my better judgment, I took on the challenge of rehabilitating this very troubled animal. That was June of 2002 and the first few weeks were pretty rough. Eventually she came around and the life that had been bottled up inside her began to emerge.

She went on to live 8 more years, her life cut short by a very brutal case of cancer, cancer that had spread quickly throughout her body. I missed the signs but it probably wouldn't have mattered. You see, when cancer comes to the lymph nodes, there just isn't much that can be done. She lasted one week after diagnosis and it was probably the most painful time of my life. Seeing her in this state broke my heart like nothing has broken my heart before.

The day she died, eleven weeks ago today, was one that I will never and ever forget. It was clear from the moment I woke up that this was the end. All these weeks later, I finally realize that ending her pain and misery was the right thing to do. Seeing her suffer just was to much to bear, for me and for her. River, from the day she came to me, lived life to the fullest and each day was an adventure that was to be savored. Not being able to live was not fair to her.

Today, I did what I do every Thursday, I told her that I loved her and would never forget her. Tomorrow, I will do my best to honor her memory by welcoming a new life into my home. I will never be able to replace her, just like I have never been able to replace my childhood dogs. That isn't possible and I wouldn't dare try to find another "River." But, I can do the next best thing and that is to save one more life, a life that has promise and potential.

Scout, a 10 month old mutt, has already had a pretty rough life. You can see it in his eyes and emotions. He is afraid of what's out there and isn't sure that he can trust anyone again. Tomorrow I go about building that trust and earning what I hope is a lifetime of love and devotion. Tomorrow I go about giving life back to a creature who has never asked for anything but love and affection. River would love him, of that I'm sure, and I have no doubt that my pretty girl will be smiling down at me when I welcome this new friend into the family.


He won't be you River, no dog could ever be you, but he will be his own self and of that I certain. I miss you so much River but I also know that I did right by you. This is the best way I know to keep your memory alive. You will forever be with me and till we meet again, know that I love you. Tomorrow I will start to love a new life and that makes me happy. Welcome home Scout, you've hit the jackpot.

Shady Characters

Used car salesmen and lawyers get all the ink but I've yet to come across a shadier group of people than plastic surgeons. We all know that most doctors have huge egos and a certain God Complex. In many cases it is warranted but when it comes to cosmetic surgery, well, I can't think of a group of people more disgusting and unworthy of a God Complex. Thankfully, it appears that America's desire for face lifts and bigger breasts has peaked and is on the way back down.

It's been nearly four years since I had my Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) from Dr. Mark Zukowski in Chicago. I had the works done and to this day I'm still paying for it. My face is in a constant state of pain with touches of numbness all around. Nothing about it feels natural and as long as I live, I'll regret this decision more than any other in my life. Still, all these years later, I'm filled with regret, anger and disappointment.

It was clear from the first few days that things hadn't gone as expected. My recovery was a bitch and I've had one problem after another, each more infuriating than the one before. Cosmetically, the results were very disappointing but as I said, it's the physical effects that have bothered me the most. I've tried to get used to this new sensation of constant pain but it isn't easy. It's with my nearly every day and is worse in really cold or really hot weather.

Dr. Z got the best of me, he sold his goods like any shady character can do. Sure, he's had some great results, but if you are considering having FFS done, please take my advice and avoid him like the plague. It really isn't worth it and I'm living proof of what can happen.

Kentucky Basketball

We have a date in the Final Four.

Two Billion

This is huge news, so big that I'm surprised it hasn't gotten more play. A new astronomical study reveals that there are around 2 BILLION Earth like planets in the Milky Way Galaxy alone. Multiply that by the 50 billion or so other galaxies in THIS universe and you get a whole lot of possible life. That some of it would be intelligent and capable of communicating is almost a certainty. Of course, this still doesn't solve the Fermi Paradox. If there is life out there, where is everybody?

I myself have three possible theories...

1. The distances between star systems is simply too great to communicate.

2. Someone has been trying to contact us and we just don't know where to look or how to listen.

3. Others are aware of us but because we are such a primitive species, we aren't worth contacting.

A fourth possible theory doesn't hold water, at least as far as I'm concerned, and that is the possibility that we are indeed alone. It's too big a universe for that to be the case and so I don't give that theory any credence. If I had to guess, other life supporting worlds are just too far away to make contact. It's all very possible that we've turned our telescopes to the right star systems only to do so at the wrong time when no one was calling.

Regardless, my biggest hope in life is to live long enough to witness First Contact with another civilization. I'm hopeful but realistic and that's what is so frustrating. We aren't special, of that I'm sure, but the question still lingers, "where the hell is everybody?"