Saturday Night

It's Saturday night and as usual, I'm home alone, my only company the sound of nothingness on television and the company of three dogs. The dogs are nice company, they really are, but lets face it, the conversations tend to be rather one sided. This life I have is a very lonely one and it tends to sap whatever appeal for life I have left. Looking back, most of my life has been a simple struggle to survive, a quest to find the energy and need to get out of bed each day and face the world without giving up. So far I've made it and if I had to guess, it's something I'll continue to do, just barely make it.

I do have friends, very special ones at that, but being single, I'm always the odd one out and most of them have reached that point in their lives where they have small children which monopolize their time and rightfully so. I don't begrudge them that and I'm very happy for them and what they are experiencing. Meeting new people at this age is somewhat difficult and for someone shy and timid like me, it's near impossible. I've met a lot of really great people at the new school I'm teaching at but as is often the case, I'm the odd one out. Most of the ones who are my age are immersed in family matters and just don't have time to do the things that I would like to do. Those that don't have those families are so much younger than me that I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them.

All of this results in me being alone most of the time and after a while, it starts to play mind games with me. It's especially mind numbing during the winter months. Though it's getting dark later, it's still way to cold to spend much time outside doing the things I like to do. Once summer comes and the days get long and warm, I'll have my garden and yard to keep me occupied. I'll spend a lot of time outside, playing with the dogs, getting my hands dirty and generally staying busy. But for now, I'm stuck inside trying to keep my mind occupied and the thoughts of despair at bay. Sadly, I'm not being very successful.

I'm ready for this life to be over, of that I'm sure, but desite how much I hate this life, I'm not quite at the point where I'll do something about it. That being said, this is no way to live. Believe me, I'd much rather be happy and basking in the joy of life, but the truth is, I have zero desire to be a part of this world anymore. I'm lonely, sad, disturbed and angry at both the world and myself. I'm still looking for help but at this point, I'm not sure there is anyone out there who can or would do that for me. I'm going to take a break from blogging for a bit, no one wants to be around someone this down, so for the time being, this is it for me.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall...

From time to time, I feel like just ripping the mirror off the wall as if that would somehow make the person I'm staring at go away forever. Alas, I'm usually still there and that's what's wrong with the world, I'm in it.

A Big Reason Why The World Will Continue To Fall Apart

Over at the Oil Drum, Ace has a very informative post up about how the Non OPEC 12 countries (Basically every oil producing country outside of OPEC) saw a peak in oil production in 2004. At 4 years out, it's pretty clear that non-OPEC countries just don't have the ability to grow production and it's all downhill from here. Why?

1. Russia now admits that its oil production has entered terminal decline.
2. Gulf of Mexico production peaked in 2002 and has experienced steady decline ever since.
3. Norway, The UK and Mexico are all experiencing significant declines and will continue to do so. The UK is now a net oil importer and Mexico will be soon.
4. Brazil, Canada and a few others are still showing increases in production but not enough to offset declines elsewhere.

So why does this matter? It essentially means that it's now up to OPEC to grow global oil production and while they talk a nice game, the reality is probably much different with only Saudi Arabia able to ramp up production in a meaningful manner. Any upturn in economic conditions will now be contingent on OPEC increasing oil production, something they most likely won't be able to do. Peak Energy (declines in oil, gas and coal production coupled with the inability of alternatives to scale up) will see to it that whatever economic upturn we might see in the next few years will be smashed by a lack of energy needed to recover.

Image courtesy of The Oil Drum


I used to live for the weekends but now I live for the weekdays. Sadly, it's because the weekdays keep me busy and thus my mind occupied, the weekends, not so much. My grandmother on my Mom's side used to say that "an idle mind is the devil's playground." She couldn't have been more right and my idle mind is nothing less than a disaster.


I know I made a pledge not to date till after the big surgery, but there are times when I really wish I could wake up next to someone. Of course, I don't really think there are many people out there who are interested in doing such a thing.

This Is The End

Ilargi says and I agree...

It's over, dear people, the dream is broken and cannot be mended. Gerald Celente predicts tax revolts and "another evolution" in the US. Listen to what he has to say in the video below. He is not an idiot, he expresses my views and fears to a T. The way things are going today, I don't see how he could be proven wrong. There are many people who say that European models are no better, or even worse, than the American one, but they fail to acknowledge that the American model is gone, forever. It's over. Until and unless we recognize that, and implement measures to make sure there will not be millions of US citizens thrown into the sort of misery we see on TV reports about Somalia and Ethiopia, we are sure to lose out. There will no longer be an American society, and probably not even a country.

This week will probably bring the end of General Motors and possibly even California, so broke is that state. Throw in a few other countries that are on the verge of complete collapse and you have further evidence that everything all of us have ever known, namely our way of life, is about to come to a disturbing end.

More Ilargi and I still agree...

perpetual growth has moved on to the land of the dodo, and it will not return in his or our lifetimes, if ever. We need to use what resources are left to try and keep our societies from spontaneous combustion. That's not a matter of choice, we don't get to choose growth anymore. It's no longer an available option. We're all out of it. There's empty shelves where once growth was on display. If and when the current financial mess is somewhat cleaned out, and that will take until 2020 if not longer, we will run into the mother of all energy conundrums, which will reduce a return to growth to a wet daydream.

When all is said and done, it will be clear to future historians that the 20th century was nothing more than an abberration, a one time party of excess fueled by fossil fuels and cheap credit. I hate to be a downer but if you don't see the end coming, well, you just aren't paying attention at all. Everywhere you look, things are falling apart and falling apart rather quickly. I suggest you take a look around and perhaps snap a picture or two as soon it will all be just a memory. It won't all disappear over night, that's not the way things work, but one day you'll notice that most of the stores are closed, gasoline isn't available anymore, the lights don't always come on when you turn on the switch, you're hungry more often than not and the idea of retiring, if you are lucky enough to have a job, will be nothing more than a cruel dream.

You see, it simply isn't sustainable, this crazy way we've been living. There are too damn many of us, perhaps as much as 5 billion too many, and infinite growth isn't possible in a finite world. We've used and abused this planet like no creature before and eventually something had to give. How it all ends is up to us, the choice is ours, but it's becoming increasingly clear that we will choose wrong. It's what we always do and nothing that I have seen would suggest otherwise. Anyways, watch this video and then pour yourself a really stiff drink, you're going to need it.


For those keeping score, that's zero yes votes from Republicans in the House. Think about that for a moment. ZERO votes. The country is facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression and not one Republican representative voted for the stimulus bill. They are simply insane and are willing to see this country burn in order to deny Obama any credit. So, I hope that Obama and Company can once and for all put this whole nonsense about bipartisanship behind them. Americans elected Obama and gave Democrats huge advantages in both houses of Congress for a reason and it wasn't to work with Republicans.

Oh Teh Stupid, It So Hurts My Head

It simply boggles the mind that so many people could be this stupid but alas, it's true, Teh Stupid is alive and well in the USA. Only 4 in 10 Americans believe in the Theory of Evolution and when I think about it, I'm actually kind of surprised it's that high.

Because Sometimes We Need To Laugh

I think it's pretty clear that everything that everyone alive has ever known, namely our way of life, is about to come to an end and well, it's all a rather bit depressing. So, I thought I could use a laugh and the following clip, Kenny Rogers Jackass, is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on commercial television. When it was on it's game, Mad TV was far funnier than anything Saturday Night Live ever did, and for my money, this is one of the best. Enjoy...

Batshit Insane

Watching the debate over Obama's stimulus plan unfold, I'm struck by just how fucking insane Republicans are. Now I've know for quite some time that those on the right were crazy but lately they've just gone off the deep end and taken it all to a whole new level, a level I didn't think was possible. In their quest to deny Obama and the Democrats a chance at somehow saving the US economy, the Republicans are risking being permanently reduced to nothing more than a very minor party based in a few southern states. That being said, Obama can't escape all of the blame for this fiasco. His insistence on getting bipartisan support for the stimulus was a mistake from day one. He won the election, rather easily, and the Dems have big advantages in both houses of Congress, so why he felt the need to give up so much to get so little is beyond me.

They don't negoitiate in good faith, they could give two shits about you or me and as far as they are concerned, the country can burn down before they will approach something so serious with any bit of honesty. They are fucking insane, batshit crazy and need to be treated like they are insane. They got us into this mess, now it's time for them to get the fuck out of the way and let the adults try and fix this fucking mess. So Mith and Boehner and McCain, all I can say to you all is FUCKY YOU and get the FUCK out of the way you fucking idiots.

UPDATE 8:12 PM: I'm watching Obama's press conference and I'm struck by two things. One, it's nice to have a President who can put a sentence together. Watching Bush speak was always so fucking painful. Obama, not so much. The other thing I'm struck by is that Obama is attacking his critics, especially those on the right.


I'm very ashamed of what I did today and it will take me a long time to get over it. As one of my responsibilities as a teacher, I'm pretty much required to go on field trips that are school wide. Sadly, we went to the circus today and I've been overcome with guilt, sickness and rage ever since. It's bad enough that the circus is simply bad entertainment, I mean seriously, how shitty does your life have to get to make you join the circus and perform very poorly, but to be witness to the crimes against animals was just too much. I did my best to leave the arena when animals were present but as far as I could tell, this particular circus featured lions, elephants, dogs and pony's, all performing against their will and most likely out of fear.

That we as a nation would allow something as barbaric as animal circuses says a lot about how far we as a society have to go. The elephants and tigers are captured from their families in the wild, forced to perform humiliating stunts that they would never perform in a million years were they not afraid of being beaten, whipped, shocked with electricity and worse. Watching the elephants is especially tragic. They are such a magnificent species, so full of wonder and intellegence. They live with a family their entire lives and are known to be especially emotional creatures. When they live and work in the circus, they are kept chained up for most of the day and night, forced to give children rides, withheld food when they don't perform and live very sad and lonely lives.

The same goes for other animals that we use for entertainment purposes. No creature, no matter how big or small, no matter how smart or dumb should ever be forced to live a life without dignity and freedom. Of all the animals in the world, the only one that depends on and needs human beings is the dog. It thrives on human contact, attention and love. All other animals deserve to be left alone and allowed to live their lives in peace, without fear of capture, cruelty and death. I hope that anyone who reads this will think twice about going to the circus. There are a lot of animal free circuses around and I have no problem with those but when animals are involved, well, it's a tragedy of epic proportions.

For more on the sad lives of circus animals, click here, but be warned, it is very graphic and quite disturbing.

3. Make a donation to a wonderful elephant sanctuary in Tennessee. This sancuary, on 2,700 acres, provides a natural home for abused, elderly and neglected elephants. GIVE HERE.

I'm Cold

I normally love winter, but for possibly the first time in my life, I'm ready for spring. I credit this to one fact and one fact only and that is that this is the first time in a very long time that we've had a winter like we used to have. That is, it's been very cold and very icy. Today is the 8th straight day with snow on the ground and it's probably been since the early 90's that it was like this around here. I believe in climate change, it's clearly a warmer world, but for this winter at least, it's back to normal. Perhaps we should celebrate that instead of wishing for warmer weather.

They Day The Music Died

On this date in 1959, a small plane crashed in Iowa killing Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and Jiles Perry Richardson.

Off To Work I Go

Well, after a five day semi-vacation due to the ice storm, school will be open tomorrow in Jefferson County. Like most people around here, I've got a bad case of cabin fever. I'm ready to go back and somehow get back in a routine. Things are still a mess around here though it's much worse south and west of here. The ice has melted off the trees but the ground and some side roads are still covered in snow and ice. We had 3 days of above freezing temperatures but that all ended today. More snow is on the way with as much as 4 inches possible by tomorrow night with several very cold days on tap before a really big warmup hits late week. Count me among those looking forward to just that.