Waiting

Yahoo has a post up about secrets your waiter will never tell you. Having worked many years in several different restaurants, including 4 at one of the top 25 establishments in America, I was interested to see what they were. I'll dive into each one of the "secrets" in a moment, but in my own experience, it all depends on where you are dining. In short, you often get what you paid for.

In my years working at The Red Fox at Snowshoe Mountain Resort in West Virginia, I can honestly say that everything we did was as professional and respectful as one can possibly get. The front of the house staff, all 11 of us, were the best of the best, and took pride in what we did. We took our job seriously and our very generous tips reflected that. Our talent, and make no mistake about it, we had talent, was one of the primary reasons Fodors Travel guide, along with Wine Spectator and other national organizations, always ranked us a top 25 restaurant in America.

Anyways, here's the list...


20 Secrets Your Waiter Will Never Tell You

By Michelle Crouch, Reader's Digest

What would two dozen servers from across the country tell you if they could get away with it? Well, for starters, when to go out, what not to order, what really happens behind the kitchen’s swinging doors, and what they think of you and your tips. Here, from a group that clears a median $8.01 an hour in wages and tips, a few revelations that aren’t on any menu.
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What we lie about
1. We’re not allowed to tell our customers we don’t like a dish. So if you ask your server how something is and she says, “It’s one of our most popular dishes,” chances are she doesn’t like it.
—Waitress at a well-known pizza chain

MY TAKE: At The Red Fox, every dish was to die for so no need to lie about it.

2. On Christmas Day, when people ask why I’m there, I might say, “My sister’s been in the hospital,” or, “My brother’s off to war, so we’re celebrating when he gets back.” Then I rake in the tips.
—Chris, a New York City waiter and the founder of bitterwaitress.com

MY TAKE: The Red Fox was at a four season resort and working Christmas was pretty much no big deal. People were on ski vacations and more than happy to part with their money.

3. If you’re looking for your waiter and another waiter tells you he’s getting something out of the stockroom, you can bet he’s out back having a quick smoke.
—Charlie Kondek, former waiter at a Denny’s in Central Michigan

MY TAKE: Yeah, this one is pretty much true.

4. If someone orders a frozen drink that’s annoying to make, I’ll say, “Oh, we’re out. Sorry!” when really I just don’t want to make it. But if you order water instead of another drink, suddenly we do have what you originally wanted because I don’t want to lose your drink on the bill.
—Waitress at a casual Mexican restaurant in Manhattan

MY TAKE: Frozen drinks aren't really the kind of thing you want on a mountain top in the dead of winter. In short, we didn't have a blender in the house.

5. When I was at one bakery restaurant, they used to make this really yummy peach cobbler in a big tray. A lot of times, servers don’t have time to eat. So we all kept a fork in our aprons, and as we cruised through the kitchen, we’d stick our fork in the cobbler and take a bite. We’d use the same fork each time.
—Kathy Kniss

MY TAKE: Never saw this once. Ever.

6. If you make a big fuss about sending your soup back because it’s not hot enough, we like to take your spoon and run it under really hot water, so when you put the hot spoon in your mouth, you’re going to get the impression — often the very painful impression — that your soup is indeed hot.
—Chris

MY TAKE: If it's not hot enough, fix it, it isn't that big of a deal.

7. I’ve seen some horrible things done to people's food: steaks dropped on the floor, butter dipped in the dishwater.
—Waiter at a casual restaurant in the Chicago area

MY TAKE: I've seen in happen, but not at the two fine dining places I worked at, including The Red Fox.


8. If your dessert says "homemade," it probably is. But it might be homemade at a bakery three miles away.
—Charity Ohlund

MY TAKE: At The Red Fox, it really was homemade. Suzi, our pastry chef, was as good as they come.

9. I knew one guy — he was a real jerk — he’d go to Costco and buy this gigantic carrot cake for $10 and tell us to say it’s homemade. Then he sold it for $10 a slice.
—Steve Dublanica, veteran New York waiter and author of "Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip — Confessions of a Cynical Waiter"

MY TAKE: Everything in a restaurant is marked up at least 100%, especially wine.

10. Oh, you needed more water so badly, you had to snap or tap or whistle? I’ll be right back … in ten minutes.
—Charity Ohlund

MY TAKE: Don't you dare snap your fingers at me.

11. We want you to enjoy yourself while you’re there eating, but when it’s over, you should go. Do you stay in the movie theater after the credits? No.
—Waiter at a casual restaurant in the Chicago area

MY TAKE: This is especially so at the end of the night. Go away already, you are taking money out of my pocket.


12. My biggest pet peeve? When I walk up to a table of six or seven people and one person decides everyone needs water. I’m making a trip to deliver seven waters, and four or five of them never get touched.
—Judi Santana, a server for ten years

My Take: At The Fox, water was automatically served.

13. Sometimes, if you’ve been especially nice to me, I’ll tell the bartender, “Give me a frozen margarita, and don’t put it in.” That totally gyps the company, but it helps me because you’ll give it back to me in tips, and the management won’t know the difference.
—Waitress at a casual Mexican restaurant in Manhattan

My Take: All waiters worth their weight will do nice things for their guests.

14. If you’re having a disagreement over dinner and all of a sudden other servers come by to refill your water or clear your plates, or you notice a server slowly refilling the salt and pepper shakers at the table next to yours, assume that we’re listening.
—Charity Ohlund

My Take: Yeah, we listen in on all conversations and talk about you in the back of the house. It goes with the territory. If you make a fool of yourself, your going to get laughed at.

15. I get this call all the time: “Is the chef there? This is so-and-so. I’m a good friend of his.” If you’re his good friend, you’d have his cell.
—Chris

My Take: At The Fox, Brian always joked that on Saturday night, everyone on the mountain was his best friend.

16. The strangest thing I’ve seen lately? A man with a prosthetic arm asked me to coat check it because the table was a little bit crowded. He just removed his arm and handed it to me: “Can you take this?”
—Christopher Fehlinger

My Take: Never had that happen to me. Too funny!

17. We always check the reservation book, scan the names, and hope for someone recognizable. I’m happy if the notes say something like “Previous number of reservations: 92.” If they say something like “First-time guest, celebrating Grandma’s 80th birthday, need two high chairs, split checks, gluten allergy,” then I start rummaging through my pockets for a crisp bill for the hostess and I make sure to tell her how much I love her hair fixed like that.
—Charity Ohlund

My Take: Amateur diners are a nightmare best avoided.

18. Use your waiter’s name. When I say, “Hi, my name is JR, and I’ll be taking care of you,” it’s great when you say, “Hi, JR. How are you doing tonight?” Then, the next time you go in, ask for that waiter. He may not remember you, but if you requested him, he’s going to give you really special service.

My Take: Waiters love having regulars and if you become one, we'll take good care of you.

19. Trust your waitress. Say something like “Hey, it’s our first time in. We want you to create an experience for us. Here’s our budget.” Your server will go crazy for you.
— Charity Ohlund

My Take: Absolutely, we love making your experience one to remember.

20. If you walk out with the slip you wrote the tip on and leave behind the blank one, the server gets nothing. It happens all the time, especially with people who’ve had a few bottles of wine.
—Judi Santana

My Take: I'll chase you down in the parking lot if you take both credit card slips.

Damn, I'm glad I don't have to do this shit anymore.