One of the first things one figures out when beginning transition is that it takes on a life of it's own. It is all consuming and no matter how hard you try, it just takes over your life. Eventually, the time comes when you begin to tire of the whole ordeal and you start to wonder if it will ever end. I hit that point last year and for the life of me, I want nothing more to do with any of this crap and that includes being associated in anyway with the "T" word.
I'm so ready to get on with my life and put this all behind me. What was once exciting and hopeful is now just dreadful and depressing. If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I'm not sure that I could find a way to do it. So, it's time, time for me to make a split and sever forever my ties with those who identify as "T". But before I go, I need to get a few things off my chest and it may not be pretty.
Perhaps the thing that pisses me off the most is the is the whole idea of the word "Transgender". I resent ever being grouped with the transvestites, the drag queens and kings and others whose gender identity was all over the freaking place. I am not one of you and you are not one of me. I do not support your cause nor your inclusion in civil rights legislation, yet alone your attempt to hijack the word transsexual.
When I was working with my employer over how to proceed with my transition, one of the great fears was the whole idea of the "man in a dress". Of men invading a woman's space, of men who get a thrill by wearing clothes that real women would never, ever wear. You made my life much more difficult than it needed to be and I can never forgive you for that. It took a lot of effort on my part to convince the powers that be that I was not that person and once they figured that out, everything fell effortlessly into place. So, I urge you all, go away and leave those of us who really are born with a medical condition the fuck alone.
Second, I so pity the professional transsexual. Please, for the love of God, get on with your life and start living as the man or woman you were supposed to be. Quit trying to tell those of us who just want to blend in that we are "sell outs" and "traitors". We are none of that and you know it. We are women and men who just want to live our lives the way they were supposed to be lived. That means not broadcasting to every single person who will listen that we are transsexual, that we were born with a penis.
Third, I think it might be time to question the whole alphabet soup thing. You will find few people who support the civil liberties of my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters more than I do. Many of my best friends identify as gay or lesbian and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to help them out in any situation. But the thing is, I'm not quite sure we really have all that much in common, yet alone a reason to be grouped together.
Now before I go any further, let me stress that a new generation of gay and lesbian leaders has emerged and they don't see the world the way the old guard does. If they are successful in taking the reign of the movement, than I will drop my concerns. My experience has shown that the old guard is dominated by the rich and oh so white older gay male. Many of them have little patience for those that fall under the LB or T umbrella. (I want to stress that there are always exceptions to the rule and it is so in this case too.)
They see the B and T holding them back and to an extent, I agree. It all goes back to my first point, the co-opting of the term "transgender" to include not just transsexuals and intersex individuals but also the transvestites and drag queens and kings. These people do nothing for our cause and yet they are so often the face of the movement. Again, I worked so freaking hard to overcome the image of the "man in the dress" so yeah, I say a big fuck you to you. Leave. Go away. Disappear. Whatever you do, stop trying to tag along, hijacking a legitimate medical condition.
Finally, I want to say thank you to several people who have been so amazing during this long and difficult journey. You know who you are but if you don't, here's a list...Erin, NexyJo, Kara, Amy, Anonymous T-Girl, KonaGod, Jacq, Missi and Stella. You are all very special people and I look forward to long friendships with all of you. Know that I love you all.