Girl As Guy

I woke up pretty early yesterday, if 10:30 can be called early, trying to get to the post office before they closed. Alas, they stayed open till 1 so I could have slept in had I known, but I didn't, and so when I awoke, I simply threw on some shorts, a sweatshirt and a hat. After mailing my package, I went over to Mom's and got there just in time. Turns out, she needed to run to the farmers market and then to Oxmoor, one of the upscale malls on the east side. I went of course, always fun to go shopping, but it was all a bit weird, being in guy mode. I have very few of my old clothes left, just a few tee shirts and a sweatshirt or two and I save them for days like yesterday, days when I oversleep, have a few stray facial hairs and don't have time to fix my hair.

We hit Von Maur, Macy's, Fossil, Eddie Bauer, the Apple Store and a few other places but not once did I look at the mens clothes. I felt totally out of place browsing through the women's department, always assuming that people thought I was looking for someone else. After shopping for a bit, Mom and I went to grab some lunch and that's where it got really weird, though I guess it's still pretty good. After being seated, the waiter came over and the first words out of her mouth were "hi ladies, what I can I get you to drink?" Here I was, totally in guy mode, and this guy kept calling me by feminine pronouns.

There are a lot of times when solely in girl mode, I get the "sir" and "mister", but yesterday, totally out as Greg, I get the "ladies" and such. Of course, an hour or so later, the cashier at Lowe's had no doubt about who or what I was. All of which got me to thinking, how is it possible that two people, just minutes apart, saw me as two totally different people? Perhaps it had to do with the setting, I don't know, but when I got home, I took a long look in the mirror and what I saw was Greg, certainly not Kelly.

UPDATE Monday Evening: To add insult to injury, I just went through a local drive thru to grab some dinner. When I placed my order, the guy said "is there anything else I can get you ma'am." Now despite weating makeup, earrings and having my hair actually look pretty damn good, he said to me "Have a good night sir." Ugh!


Anonymous | October 21, 2008 at 9:56 PM


Here's the dealio.

Stop going out as Greg. Permanently. For ever. Don't do it.

Bouncing back and forth, even casually, doesn't allow you to fully immerse yourself in your new self. You're WAITING for people to clock you. You're assuming they will. You don't know it, but you're baiting the hook.

You see YOU in the mirror. Some days you'll feel better about yourself and you'll call that person Kelly, and some days you'll feel worse, and you'll call that person Greg. Remind yourself that there is no Greg, and there is no guy. There is you.

You can't expect people to be able to always decipher your conflicting messages, and whether you like it or not, bouncing back and forth produces subconscious conflicting messages that you can't control.

So from here on out, don't do Greg anymore. Ever.

You'll move a whole lot faster towards your goal if you do.