Sometimes, late at night, I'll wonder about things and why they are. I never have the answers of course but that never stops me from thinking about these things:
1. Why was I born a boy and not a girl?
2. Why did I turn out the way I did?
3. Why did I wait till my mid 30's to finally fess up to being trans?
4. How would life be different if I hadn't waited so long?
5. How would life be different if one of my girlfriends had turned into my wife?
6. How would life be different if I had really felt like the boy I looked like on the outside?
7. Will I ever be seen as female and not a transsexual?
8. Will people ever just accept me as Kelly who is Kelly and not Kelly who used to be Greg?
9. If I had been born female, would I have been happier? Would I have felt like I was really a boy?
10. Will I ever find someone to grow old with?
Shock
Tim Russert, NBC newsman and host of Meet the Press, has died at the age of 58. Having just returned from a family holiday in Italy, Russert collapsed at NBC's Washington headquarters. While I certainly had some major beefs with Russert, I feel awful for his family and all who worked with him at NBC.
Old
Looking over the pictures that were posted of the 20th high school reunion that I avoided, I'm shocked at how old so many of those people look. A lot of them just haven't aged very well and it makes me feel pretty good knowing that I on the other hand look so young. I suppose the fact that I have no children, have a job that I love and spent my 20's living at a ski resort made all the difference. Anyways, I'm glad I didn't go and I'm a bit sorry a hurricane didn't hit Clearwater this past weekend.
Denial Isn't A River In Eygpt
Scrolling through the news today, it amazes me how many people are in denial as to the current economic meltdown caused by high energy prices, specifically high oil prices. This is not some temporary recession where things will soon get better. Oil will keep going up and up and our economy will keep going down and down. Events are unfolding so fast that it's difficult to keep up but one thing is sure, most folks, including the two men running for President, don't seem to have a clue. Pull your damn heads out of your ass and wake up to the fact that never again will energy be cheap or plentiful. I can't say it enough so I'll say it again:
THE PARTY IS OVER! FINISHED! DONE! KAPUT! WE ARE SO DAMN SCREWED!
THE PARTY IS OVER! FINISHED! DONE! KAPUT! WE ARE SO DAMN SCREWED!
Miserable
It's hot and humid. I'm talking sweltering hot and sopping humidity. Tropical shit. Has been for weeks and will be for months.
High School
This weekend was my 20th high school reunion. Aside from the fact that I can't believe it's been that long, I have no other emotions about it. I did my thing in high school, had a few really great friends and made the most of a bad time in life. I moved from Louisville to Clearwater at the end of my freshman year and had a tough time adjusting. It wasn't horrible mind you, it's just that I left a school where I knew nearly everyone to attend an even bigger high school where students were often nothing more than a face in the crowd. Before East Lake High opened in 1986, Countryside had over 4,000 students and saw new students starting each and every day. It was just a fact of life that each day at school would bring a new face, each trying to adjust like the one before.
That being said, Countryside was a really good school, offered just about every conceivable subject and had stellar organizations, clubs and sports (save for football). The teachers were good, the building was new and being a very rich school, we had everything we could ever ask for. It was easy to tell the student parking lot from the teacher lot. The students drove Corvettes, BMWs, Mercedes, Porches and other fancy cars. The teachers drove Hondas, Chevies and Toyotas. More than a few kids had their own airplane, most lived in half million dollar houses and vacationed in Aspen and Europe. It was also lilly white with only a handful of minorities sprinkled in. Gender issues aside, I never considered going and glad I didn't.
That being said, Countryside was a really good school, offered just about every conceivable subject and had stellar organizations, clubs and sports (save for football). The teachers were good, the building was new and being a very rich school, we had everything we could ever ask for. It was easy to tell the student parking lot from the teacher lot. The students drove Corvettes, BMWs, Mercedes, Porches and other fancy cars. The teachers drove Hondas, Chevies and Toyotas. More than a few kids had their own airplane, most lived in half million dollar houses and vacationed in Aspen and Europe. It was also lilly white with only a handful of minorities sprinkled in. Gender issues aside, I never considered going and glad I didn't.
Thus It Begins
I've been hesitant to say that this is it but as the bad news keeps on coming maybe it's time to rethink things and admit what I've suspected, but was afraid to say.
The party is over!
Today was a bloodbath of sorts as Wall Stree tanked, oil surged, unemployment surged, foreclosures grew and once powerful industries showed signs of failure. All of this is of course driven by the crisis unfolding with regards to energy. Oil will soon pass $150 a barrel as it sets it's sights on the $200 mark. Once that happens, all bets are off as the global economy will come crashing into depression, food shortages will appear in unlikely places, war will be waged and perhaps the greatest social upheavel in human history will thus begin. Yes, the party is over and what happens next is scary shit.
Some news:
1. Stock markets tank big time.
2. Oil rises over $11 a barrel.
3. Biggest rise in unemployment in 33 years.
4. FDIC says banks could fail.
5. 1.1 million homes in foreclosure, millions more on way.
6. Amerians $1.7 trillion, yes trillion, poorer.
7. Airlines barely hanging on.
8. Consumer debt jumps by $8.9 billion in April.
It goes on and on but you get the picture.
One Year Ago Today
It was this time last year that I was bruised, bloodied and beaten to a pulp. I suppose nine hours of cosmetic surgery will do that to a person. Anyways, I'm not really sure where all of that time went but gone it is. I don't have any great words of wisdom on this anniversary. It is what it is and nothing more, nothing less.
Before
And After
Before
And After
What's New
Not that anyone is really reading this crap but I do try to keep the site updated and that I haven't done for a few days. It's been a very busy week as my Mom had surgery yesterday morning and that has occupied most, if not all, of my time. We had to be up at 4 AM yesterday and get her to the hospital for check in at 5:30. The surgery went great and the doctor expects no complications. I spent most of yesterday at the hospital though I did sneak home for an hour or two to get some shut eye. It was almost 10 before I got home last night and collapsed into bed. My brother Jeff took the morning shift and I was able to sleep in a bit and get some things done that needed taken care of. I went in around 3 and stayed till dark and made sure everything was well. I'll be back early tomorrow and hopefully she'll be coming home on Friday. If so, I'll stay over there for the weekend and possibly longer.
One year ago today, I was the one getting ready to go into surgery. If memory serves, I had my last supper and came back to the hotel hoping to get some sleep. It was a really strang evening but surprisingly peaceful. I was at peace with my decision to have surgery and felt good about what was going to happen. Though things haven't turned out like I had hoped, I have been able to move into this new life as Kelly and each day gets a bit easier. I wish the surgery had turned out better but what's done is done and it's time to move on. I'll be heading up to Chicago later in the month for some minor revisions with my doctor but for the most part, what I see is what I'll get.
I certainly turned out better than others but nowhere near as well as some of his best patients. I get "read" every single day and I'm getting more and more used to the stares and such, but sometimes it still hurts when someone does a double take or looks a bit too long. I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where that doesn't bother me but I hope I do. When I go up to see Dr. Z, I'm going to reiterate my disappoint in how things turned out. Whether he does anything about it is up to him but let him know I will. Anyways, I took a picture tonight and I thought I would share with you. It's taken with the camera built into my iMac so it's not as good as my digital camera would take but it does show my new blonde hair. Keep in mind that this was taken after a long day at the hospital and wearing no makeup. Be kind.
One year ago today, I was the one getting ready to go into surgery. If memory serves, I had my last supper and came back to the hotel hoping to get some sleep. It was a really strang evening but surprisingly peaceful. I was at peace with my decision to have surgery and felt good about what was going to happen. Though things haven't turned out like I had hoped, I have been able to move into this new life as Kelly and each day gets a bit easier. I wish the surgery had turned out better but what's done is done and it's time to move on. I'll be heading up to Chicago later in the month for some minor revisions with my doctor but for the most part, what I see is what I'll get.
I certainly turned out better than others but nowhere near as well as some of his best patients. I get "read" every single day and I'm getting more and more used to the stares and such, but sometimes it still hurts when someone does a double take or looks a bit too long. I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where that doesn't bother me but I hope I do. When I go up to see Dr. Z, I'm going to reiterate my disappoint in how things turned out. Whether he does anything about it is up to him but let him know I will. Anyways, I took a picture tonight and I thought I would share with you. It's taken with the camera built into my iMac so it's not as good as my digital camera would take but it does show my new blonde hair. Keep in mind that this was taken after a long day at the hospital and wearing no makeup. Be kind.
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