Passing

I just threw my two cents into the ring over at the Yahoo Facial Feminization Surgery Group and I imagine I'll take a lot of grief over what I said. I agreed with another member who said that without FFS, it's damn near impossible to pass as female. I've met very few, actually none, that pass without it. That some girls have the nerve to post pre-FFS pics on that group and wonder aloud if they might need FFS is insulting and delusional. Even post-FFS, passing is still very difficult. I'm a perfect example of that. Despite spending nearly $30,000 on the works with one of the top surgeons in the world, I still get "read" as male nearly every single day. For the most part, people are nice and respectful and try to use the right pronouns and such but you can see it in the eyes, the way they do a double take, that they have put two and two together and come up with five.

Look, testosterone is a pretty nasty thing. It does it's job well and unless you start female hormones at puberty or before, it's going to be difficult to pass without some major work being done on your face. The male and female face are just so fundamentaly different that it becomes very difficult to create the illusion of being the other gender. That being said, it doesn't make one any less female, it's just that many of us are kidding ourselves when we think that we look great and that we're passable 100% of the time. In my years of browsing the web and interacting with the queer community, I've come across a few girls who do really, really well and probably never get "read" as male. The rest, well, they are a lot like me, doing the best they possibly can and just trying to get by.



This was taken today and is proof positive that I still look a lot like a guy.

2 comments:

JACQ | June 18, 2008 at 10:57 PM

I disagree with you!!!!! Totally.

nexy | June 21, 2008 at 3:39 PM

"I agreed with another member who said that without FFS, it's damn near impossible to pass as female. I've met very few, actually none, that pass without it. "

while it's true that many trans women benefit from ffs, i know several personally who have never had it and do quite well. i'm not going to try to convince anyone that i pass 100% - i don't. but at some point after transition, i no longer experienced the "you can see it in their eyes" thing. for the most part, people see me and interact with me as a woman.

i look at myself in the mirror, and can pick apart every little detail that outs me as born male, but apparently, it's not that obvious to even the people i work with every day.

you'd think that as a trans women, i'd be more able to clock other trans women. in the pink pistols group i belong to, there's a lesbian women who i've seen at least once a month for a year - at the range, in the coffee house afterwards, the occasional dinner, etc. i was taken totally by surprise when i found out she was trans just last month. i had no clue. and she, like me, never had ffs.

for me, integration back into society took a lot of time. it wasn't until after grs, that i felt comfortable that i wouldn't be clocked at every turn. but you know, i'm not so sure it was any significant change with my appearance. it was more just being comfortable with myself. for my trans woman friend i spoke of earlier, she's planning on grs later this year. though she's been fulltime for many, many years.

i believe it's really a matter of how we move through the world, and not physical appearance specifically. though certainly, that is a part of how we move through the world. i believe that after a time, you will find that other clock you less and less.