I've been home from work all week with a very bad back and thus my mind has had plenty of time to wander. Tonight, I started pouring through all of the pictures I have stored on iPhoto when I came across a picture of me that was taken nearly 2 years ago. I pulled up a rather recent photo to compare and contrast and when I did, I started to cry. I've been disappointed with my facial feminization surgery since day one but when I look back all these months later, I'm even more disappointed and even a bit angry. I spent nearly $30,000 and wasted a whole summer trying to recover. I'm still feeling pain throughout my face and even now, I've still got a lot of swelling and at least one very ugly scar.
So, was it worth it? Not even for a second. I've done a few stupid things in my life but having this surgery totally takes the cake. Going in, I had very high hopes for how things would turn out, Dr. Z has done some amazing work and everyone I talked to thought I was doing the right thing. When I get online and see pics of the girls he's worked on, I wonder what in the hell went wrong. It's not that the results were bad, I'm not hideous or anything, it's that results were such a letdown based upon what I was led to expect. Dr. Z promised me that after surgery, I would be able to pass without makeup and that he guaranteed I would look great. Well, I don't come close to passing, not by a longshot, and thus I can't help but feel so underwhelmed and utterly disappointed.