25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

From Jacq of course...

1. Your houseplants are alive..and you can't smoke any of them. Bummer but true!

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. Having sex anywhere is never out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. Always have.

4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up.. not when you get to bed. I never see 6:00 A.M. Never.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. I actually heard a muzak version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit". That's just not right.

6. You watch the weather channel. Love the Weather Channel, especially Stephanie Abrams.

7. Your friends Marry and Divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." Only one friend has had a divorce so most are doing pretty good though I wouldn't want to be married.

8. You go from 150 days of vacation time to 14. I actually have more vacation time now than I ever have in my life. I get 16 weeks a year off.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." True though in a twist, instead of a shirt and tie, I now wear a skirt and blouse. How cool is that?

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Ugh, what happened to my youth?

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. That's been going on for quite a while.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Why 5:00 AM my dear!

13. Your car insurance goes down but your car payment goes up. Way up!

14. You feed your dog science diet instead of leftover McDonald's. They still get leftover McDonalds but they do get some really great food.

15. Sleeping on the couch hurts your back. I just love to sleep on the sofa. Always have, always will.

16. You take naps. I'm not sure that there has ever been a time when I didn't take naps. I love to sleep and never make any apologies for long naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. What's a date?

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. Probably so.

19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and Antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. Well...

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "Pretty good shit." A $4 bottle of wine never was good shit. I've had the pleasure of drinking some wines that cost 100 times that.

21. You actually eat Breakfast food at breakfast time. I'll eat breakfast food any time of the day. I love pancakes for dinner.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces " I'm never going to drink
that much again." Way true though I'm not totally sure when that happened.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is for real work. Nah, it's for fun though since I've been on estrogen (4 years) the quality of what I watch has greatly improved.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to the bar. Nope!

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking " Oh shit, what the hell happened?" That's too funny and too true!

26. YOU read this entire list looking
desperately for ONE sign that doesn't
apply to you and can't find ONE to save
your sorry old ass. I'm almost 40 but far from old.


JACQ | August 21, 2008 at 8:45 AM

My favorite wine is only $5 a bottle. Moscato, baybee. I first tasted it when I landed in Italy. There's nothing like it in the world! And I've been all over it!

konagod | August 30, 2008 at 2:32 PM

I keep wanting to have those special houseplants but txrad won't let me.