I was going to post something light hearted tonight but then I read the horrible news out of Witchita. Seems another right wing militant decided to play God and shot a doctor who performs abortions. What's worse, he shot him at church where the doctor was serving as an usher. Dr. George Tiller, one of the few doctors who still performs late term abortions, had suffered years of harrassment and a previous attempt on his life. His clinic only performed these procedures when the life of the mother was in danger, something that any rational doctor should be willing to do. In every case, the health of the mother is always much more important than that of a fetus. There is simply no debate about that, save for on the right.
As Digby rightly says, these fools are nothing but terrorist. She also asks, when's the last time we had a left wing terrorist killing in the United States? Can't remember? That's because those of us on the left don't do stupid and deranged shit like kill people that we disagree with.
Ouch
Indy was awesome in nearly everyway possible. The cars were fast. The crowd was huge. The cars were loud. The seats were great. The cars were really fast and really loud. Oh yeah, the weather sucked. It was hot, humid and as it turns out, just sunny enough to cause one hell of a sunburn. I slathered the sunscreen on but somehow, I guess I'm not used to wearing low cut tops, I forgot to put any on my chest. The result isn't pretty and it hurts like hell. Now I usually do everything possible to stay out of the sun, I spent the hour or so before the race sitting under the grandstand out of the sun, but once the race started, I pretty much had nowhere to go and now I'm paying the price.
Two Great Races, One Great Day
Tomorrow is the greatest day in Motor Sports Racing as the world's two most prominent races take center stage. FIrst up is the Formula 1 Grand Prix de Monaco on the streets of the tiny but oh so glamorus Principality. Formula 1 is by far the most popular sport in the world, drawing an average television audience of well over a billion people per race. Ask any driver on the grid and all will tell you that this is the race they most want to win. Britain's Jenson Button, driving for the upstart Brawn GP team, has pole and if previous runnings are any indication, he'll be tough to be beat on the difficult to pass on course.
Six hours later and an ocean away, America's premier racing event, the Indianapolis 500 Mile Race, will get underway before a crowd in excess of 300,000. It's the largest single day sporting event by attentandce and is know throughout the world as The Greatest Spectacle in Racing. A full field of 33 drivers, led by pole sitter Helio Castroneves, will hit speeds of 225 mph on the famed yard of bricks, each trying to be the first to complete 200 laps. I'll be one of those 300,000 plus fans on hand and I expect this years race to be another classic.
Dario Francitti, my pick to win the INDY 500. Photo courtesy of Indycar.com
My sentimental favorite will be Paul Tracy, The Thrill from West Hill, but I don't think he has a car fast enough to win. Instead, I look for Dario Francitti, husband of the beautiful Ashley Judd, to once again drink the milk in the winners circle. I'll take Scott Dixon second and Castroneves third with young American Grahm Rahal fourth and Danica Patrick, one of three women in the race, coming in fifth.
So, get up early tomorrow morning, catch the Grand Prix de Monaco at 8 eastern on Speed TV (channel 607 on DirecTV), take a little nap and tune into ABC at noon for the pre-race show followed by the 500 mile race. By the way, I'll be in the Northwest Vist in turn 3 so try and look for me. I'm kidding of course but at least you'll know where I'm at.
Oh yeah, NAPCAR has a race tomorrow night, but who really gives a shit.
Six hours later and an ocean away, America's premier racing event, the Indianapolis 500 Mile Race, will get underway before a crowd in excess of 300,000. It's the largest single day sporting event by attentandce and is know throughout the world as The Greatest Spectacle in Racing. A full field of 33 drivers, led by pole sitter Helio Castroneves, will hit speeds of 225 mph on the famed yard of bricks, each trying to be the first to complete 200 laps. I'll be one of those 300,000 plus fans on hand and I expect this years race to be another classic.
Dario Francitti, my pick to win the INDY 500. Photo courtesy of Indycar.comMy sentimental favorite will be Paul Tracy, The Thrill from West Hill, but I don't think he has a car fast enough to win. Instead, I look for Dario Francitti, husband of the beautiful Ashley Judd, to once again drink the milk in the winners circle. I'll take Scott Dixon second and Castroneves third with young American Grahm Rahal fourth and Danica Patrick, one of three women in the race, coming in fifth.
So, get up early tomorrow morning, catch the Grand Prix de Monaco at 8 eastern on Speed TV (channel 607 on DirecTV), take a little nap and tune into ABC at noon for the pre-race show followed by the 500 mile race. By the way, I'll be in the Northwest Vist in turn 3 so try and look for me. I'm kidding of course but at least you'll know where I'm at.
Oh yeah, NAPCAR has a race tomorrow night, but who really gives a shit.
Babies R Us- Make It Stop
It's really weird, I love being a teacher and working with kids, but when it comes down to it, I just can't imagine the appeal of ever wanting one, yet alone multiple versions of them. I rationalize this by my belief that the world is turning into a shitty place, mostly because there are way too many of us living here. Simply talking about overpopulation or it's solution is the surest way not to get invited over for cookouts, but if the children of today are to have a life as decent as the ones we've had, we need to stop having so many damn babies. Have one child, love them dearly and go peacefully into the night knowing that when you and your spouse are gone, you will have been a part of the solution and not the problem.
Last night, circumstances beyond my control sent me to the worst retail experience of my life, a visit to a place called Babies R Us. A friend of the family is having a baby shower tomorrow and she was registered at this Wal-Mart for babies place. I had never been in Babies R Us and as God is my witness, I will never go in again, so traumatized was I by what I saw. What I saw was more useless shit that neither baby or mother could possibly need. Most of what was for sale wasn't even invented when I was born and I did just fine. I mean seriously, how many different kinds of blankets and bottles and pacifiers and other crap do we need? What kind of place has two isles of baby themed CD's and DVD's?
To make matters worse, the place was full of pregnant women, all looking like they were about to do the most important thing in the history of the world, that is give birth to a child. They all had the same shitty grin and it was clear that the next couple of years will be spent talking about first steps, first words, first shits and other crap that you or I could care less about. Anyways, I could go on and on but I thought I would leave it to the master of such things, George Carlin, to say what's really on my mind...
UPDATE It appears that Youtube is down and videos are loading, hopefully it will get fixed soon.
Last night, circumstances beyond my control sent me to the worst retail experience of my life, a visit to a place called Babies R Us. A friend of the family is having a baby shower tomorrow and she was registered at this Wal-Mart for babies place. I had never been in Babies R Us and as God is my witness, I will never go in again, so traumatized was I by what I saw. What I saw was more useless shit that neither baby or mother could possibly need. Most of what was for sale wasn't even invented when I was born and I did just fine. I mean seriously, how many different kinds of blankets and bottles and pacifiers and other crap do we need? What kind of place has two isles of baby themed CD's and DVD's?
To make matters worse, the place was full of pregnant women, all looking like they were about to do the most important thing in the history of the world, that is give birth to a child. They all had the same shitty grin and it was clear that the next couple of years will be spent talking about first steps, first words, first shits and other crap that you or I could care less about. Anyways, I could go on and on but I thought I would leave it to the master of such things, George Carlin, to say what's really on my mind...
UPDATE It appears that Youtube is down and videos are loading, hopefully it will get fixed soon.
I'm Getting Excited
The starting grid of 33 drivers for the Indianapolis 500 poses in front of Macy's flagship store in New York City. The 500 mile race is Sunday afternoon and will be televised on ABC.
Pole sitter Helio Castroneves poses in front of his Penske Dallara Honda.
He's back. The Thrill From West Hill, Paul Tracy, is back at Indy and the race is better because Tracy will be there. He's very popular with the fans and he always drives all out. I'll be hoping he wins.All photos courtesy of The Indy Racing League
Good Parents
These parents get it and I can only hope that others will do the same thing. This little girl is dealing with the very same issues that nearly all of us who are born transgender dealt with. That her Mom sees that letting her be happy and live her life is refreshing.
John Locke Is Still Dead Part 2
Okay, I'm a day late but I just didn't have the energy to do much of anything last night much less wrack my brain over something as complex and mind shattering as LOST. So, let's get going again with my second take on the state of LOST...
4. James "Sawyer" Ford- Life in Dharmaville was good to Sawyer. He finally found himself, landed a steady job, got a nice home and shacked up with by far the hottest woman on Lost, the amazing Juliet. So what if he was stuck in the 1970's? He already had the long hair and I'm pretty sure that he was quite fond of the funky weed that was oh so popular back then. Alas, it all came crashing down on him when Jack, Hurley, Sayid and most importantly, Kate came back in time to spoil everything he had built. Jack was clearly taken aback to see that Sawyer was now the one calling the shots and that damn Kate, a beauty herself, just couldn't help getting in the way of Sawliet. Of all the characters on LOST, Sawyer, by being stuck in Dharmaville, had made the most of being given a second chance.
When we last saw Sawyer, he had just lost his true love down the SWAN hole. It wasn't hard to see that the loss of Juliet, and I do think she is gone forever (more on that later), will turn Sawyer once again to the Dark Side. He's now lost the three most important people in his life to very troubling experiences and it just might be enough to finally break him. I hope not, I really do, the new Sawyer, especially when things were right with Juliet, was the kind of person we all want to have as friends, but I suspect that when next season opens and he finds himself in 2007, he's going to be very pissed off.
5. Juliet- Ever since we first met Juliet, I've been a huge fan. Of all the characters introduced after the original cast, only Ben and Desmond have been more interesting to me. I fell in love with her when she showed Jack the video she made explaining what was happening on the island. Pre-Dharmaville, Juliet only wanted to get back home, but each time we thought she might make it, something whacked her back to the Island. Along the way we couldn't be sure if she was in love with Jack or Sawyer and though I thought she would end up with Jack, I was clearly wrong. Her heart belongs to Sawyer and sadly, she couldn't hold on to his hands and took it upon herself to detonate Jughead. I hope she's back, but seeing as how Jacob didn't come to see her pre-Island, I just can't shake the feeling that she's joined Charlie and the others on the other side of life.
6. Sayid- I think one of the most amazing scenes in last weeks finale was Jacobs brief encounter with Sayid and Nadia. Jacob distracted Sayid just long enough to allow Nadia to be killed, thus sending Sayid on a path of violence working for Ben and ultimately helping to bring him back to the Island. I loved how Sayid told Jack that nothing can save him as he seemed to be expressing his belief that nothing could atone for the evils that he had done in his life. Unlike Daniel Faraday, Sayid didn't die before Jughead let loose so look for him to be back on the Island in 2007. The question is, will Ben remember that Sayid shot him when he was a child? No.
7. Kate Austin- Dear Kate, what are we going to do with you girl? I used to love her character but the past two seasons have really soured me on Kate. She's become incredibly whiny and her love/hate relationship with Jack is maddening. Those two have no business being on the same planet together yet alone being together as a couple. They are toxic for one another and everyone around them knows that. Let's hope she does the right thing and stays away from both Sawyer and Jack but knowing Kate, she'll somehow get involved in another love triangle.
8. Desmond- When we last saw Des, he was in the hospital after having been shot by Ben. His encounter with Eloise Hawkings at the church was creepy as Hawkings last words to Desmond as he stormed off vowing never to return to the Island were "the islands not through with you yet Desmond." To which I said of course not, he's always been the key to everything. For 3 years, Desmond duitfully punched those damn numbers only to be late one day and thus bringing down Oceanic flight 815. Finally freed of that duty when Locke blew the lid on the hatch, Desmond will I suspect, be back in that hatch, once again pushing the numbers. Why? Because the nuclear explosion set off by Juliet and team will turn out to be the Incident that Chang was talking about in the orientation video for the SWAN station.
4. James "Sawyer" Ford- Life in Dharmaville was good to Sawyer. He finally found himself, landed a steady job, got a nice home and shacked up with by far the hottest woman on Lost, the amazing Juliet. So what if he was stuck in the 1970's? He already had the long hair and I'm pretty sure that he was quite fond of the funky weed that was oh so popular back then. Alas, it all came crashing down on him when Jack, Hurley, Sayid and most importantly, Kate came back in time to spoil everything he had built. Jack was clearly taken aback to see that Sawyer was now the one calling the shots and that damn Kate, a beauty herself, just couldn't help getting in the way of Sawliet. Of all the characters on LOST, Sawyer, by being stuck in Dharmaville, had made the most of being given a second chance.
When we last saw Sawyer, he had just lost his true love down the SWAN hole. It wasn't hard to see that the loss of Juliet, and I do think she is gone forever (more on that later), will turn Sawyer once again to the Dark Side. He's now lost the three most important people in his life to very troubling experiences and it just might be enough to finally break him. I hope not, I really do, the new Sawyer, especially when things were right with Juliet, was the kind of person we all want to have as friends, but I suspect that when next season opens and he finds himself in 2007, he's going to be very pissed off.
5. Juliet- Ever since we first met Juliet, I've been a huge fan. Of all the characters introduced after the original cast, only Ben and Desmond have been more interesting to me. I fell in love with her when she showed Jack the video she made explaining what was happening on the island. Pre-Dharmaville, Juliet only wanted to get back home, but each time we thought she might make it, something whacked her back to the Island. Along the way we couldn't be sure if she was in love with Jack or Sawyer and though I thought she would end up with Jack, I was clearly wrong. Her heart belongs to Sawyer and sadly, she couldn't hold on to his hands and took it upon herself to detonate Jughead. I hope she's back, but seeing as how Jacob didn't come to see her pre-Island, I just can't shake the feeling that she's joined Charlie and the others on the other side of life.
6. Sayid- I think one of the most amazing scenes in last weeks finale was Jacobs brief encounter with Sayid and Nadia. Jacob distracted Sayid just long enough to allow Nadia to be killed, thus sending Sayid on a path of violence working for Ben and ultimately helping to bring him back to the Island. I loved how Sayid told Jack that nothing can save him as he seemed to be expressing his belief that nothing could atone for the evils that he had done in his life. Unlike Daniel Faraday, Sayid didn't die before Jughead let loose so look for him to be back on the Island in 2007. The question is, will Ben remember that Sayid shot him when he was a child? No.
7. Kate Austin- Dear Kate, what are we going to do with you girl? I used to love her character but the past two seasons have really soured me on Kate. She's become incredibly whiny and her love/hate relationship with Jack is maddening. Those two have no business being on the same planet together yet alone being together as a couple. They are toxic for one another and everyone around them knows that. Let's hope she does the right thing and stays away from both Sawyer and Jack but knowing Kate, she'll somehow get involved in another love triangle.
8. Desmond- When we last saw Des, he was in the hospital after having been shot by Ben. His encounter with Eloise Hawkings at the church was creepy as Hawkings last words to Desmond as he stormed off vowing never to return to the Island were "the islands not through with you yet Desmond." To which I said of course not, he's always been the key to everything. For 3 years, Desmond duitfully punched those damn numbers only to be late one day and thus bringing down Oceanic flight 815. Finally freed of that duty when Locke blew the lid on the hatch, Desmond will I suspect, be back in that hatch, once again pushing the numbers. Why? Because the nuclear explosion set off by Juliet and team will turn out to be the Incident that Chang was talking about in the orientation video for the SWAN station.
John Locke Is Still Dead
We finally get to meet the fabled Jacob and I think he's just dreamy.I'm still trying to wrap my head around last nights season finale of LOST. This amazing season solidified my perception that LOST is the best television series ever and is once and for all proof that the idiot box isn't so stupid. The writers took the show to a whole new level this year and though I hope I'm wrong, I just don't see how they can possibly top what happened these past five months, so great was the story. So, without further ado, here's my feeble attempt to figure out what the hell is happening on our favorite little island...
1. John Locke- Along with Desmond Hume and Benjamin Linus, John Locke has always been my favorite character on the show. His death last season and supposed resurrection this year brought the old Locke back as The Man of Faith finally seemed to understand his role on the island. Locke was once again sure of himself and the island that he called home. He had Richard and Ben dutifully following his orders and his revelation that he was coming to kill Jacob was a stunner. That we would find out that Locke was still dead simply blew the lid off of things. As Ben said to Sun, "dead is dead".
2. Jack Shepard- The good doctor has finally come full circle. The "man of science" is now the "man of faith". Like Locke in the first four seasons, Jack now believes that the island brought him there for a reason. The question now becomes, was his faith in the words of Daniel Faraday and Jughead warranted? Will the explosion of a certain thermonuclear bomb result in flight 815 landing at LAX like it was supposed to or will it be the incident that that Dr. Chang talks about in the Swan Station, the one that would cause Desmond to spend 3 long years typing in those damn numbers, the one that brought down flight 815 when Desmond didn't make it back in time? My guess? The Oceanic 6, along with everyone else, will wake up on the island in 2004 having just crashed on the island.
3. Benjamin Linus- The bug eyed menace looked miserable playing second fiddle to fake Locke and I loved every minute of it. The one time leader of The Others, Ben was revealed to be even more complex than we already suspected. We found out that he wasn't supposed to be the one to move the island, Locke was. We found out why Ben and Charles Widmore hate each other so much. We found out that Ben doesn't like taking orders and most of all we found out that Ben had never met or seen the fabled Jacob. Perhaps the best part was finding out that Ben could be manipulated, being asked by fake Locke why he wouldn't want to kill Jacob, as easily as he manipulated everyone else.
Part 2 coming tomorrow with Part 3 coming this weekend.
It's Very Sad
The past few four days have just been beautiful and I've enjoyed getting outside with the dogs and letting them play. Today, as I was throwing tennis ball after tennis ball, it dawned on me that my two Border Collies, Sammy and River, are really starting to get old. Sammy has been such an important part of my life for the past 9 years while River has been with me for 7 of her 9 years that I've totally forgotten what it's like not to have them around. Apart from my trip to Chicago for my surgery, I've never been away from them for more than a week and the thought of coming home to a house without them scares the hell out of me.
They've still got a few years left, at least I hope they do, but they don't run as fast or as far as they used to. Getting in and out of the bed is a bit harder and without her medicine, River's arthritis would be too much to bear. The hair on their muzzles is nearly all white now and they are starting to take on the look of old dogs. I love old dogs, I really do, but it's still sad watching my boy and girl enter their golden years.
As for Shadow, well, he's just now entering middle age, right along with me.
Two of the Three Stooges
The Third Stooge
They've still got a few years left, at least I hope they do, but they don't run as fast or as far as they used to. Getting in and out of the bed is a bit harder and without her medicine, River's arthritis would be too much to bear. The hair on their muzzles is nearly all white now and they are starting to take on the look of old dogs. I love old dogs, I really do, but it's still sad watching my boy and girl enter their golden years.
As for Shadow, well, he's just now entering middle age, right along with me.
Two of the Three Stooges
The Third Stooge
A Glorious Day in the City
Wow, what a day, temperatrues in the low 70's and not a cloud in sight. Living in the city, and I mean IN the city not out in the burbs, offers one so many more opportunities for enjoying life and all that it has to offer. Louisville is very fortunate to have a very vibrant urban core with amazing urban neighborhoods that are full of life and today I hit 3 of them. Here's a rundown of how Mom and I spent the day...
1. Slept till noon, enough said.
2. We went to Edenside Gallery in the Highlands (my neighborhood) to let Mom pick out the ring she wanted for Mothers Day. Found it.
3. Had a great lunch at O'Sheas Irish Pub and dined al fresco in the fountain patio under the shade trees.
4. Went to the Blue Dog Bakery in Crescent Hill to pick up a few things.
5. Headed down to Butchertown to do some shopping at Work The Metal, a cool little shop owned by the boyfriend of the guy who does my hair. Bought a pair of earrings and a candle.
6. Back to the Highlands and a double scoop of chocolate brownie ice cream at Graters. We sat outside and watched the crowds walk by on Bardstown Road.
7. Caught the last hour of Pole Day for the Indy 500. By the way, Helio Castroneves will start on pole for the biggest spectacle in racing. I'll be there by the way.
8. Took an hour nap.
9. Went for a walk with the dogs.
10. Lounging on the sofa with the windows open a pleasant breeze rolling in.
Yes, life in my city is pretty damn good.
Squirrely
When I lived in West Virginia, I was fortunate enough to work at one of the best restraunts in the world. The Red Fox, located slopeside at Snowshoe Mountain Resort, won just about every award possible, including being named one of the top 25 tables in the country by Fadors Travel Guide. Our wine list, about 50 pages long, consistently won the top award from Wine Spectator as it had some amazing selections and vintages. I was one of 11 waiters lucky enough and possibly even talented enough, to serve some of the best food I've ever tried.
The Red Fox at Snowshoe Mountain Resort in West Virginia
Our menu was a work of art, showcasing such dishes as Wild Boar, Buffalo Noisettes, Venison, Rocky Mountain Elk and West Virginia Rainbow Trout. It was an honor to work there and I'll always look back on my time at the Fox with great pride and quite a bit of fondness. The money was sick as we used to joke that we would walk up to our tables, ask to see what was in their wallet and then take as much as we wanted for a tip, it was that insane.
The staff of The Red Fox and Yodlers Pub. I'm the one in the back row with the hat on and my arms around Val, my ex girlfriend and fellow Red Fox waiter.
Anyways, I left the Fox in 1999 to persue my teaching career and sadly, The Red Fox is no more. Brian Ball, the owner of The Fox has since opened up several new eats on the mountain and one of them is Ember, an equally upscale dining experience in the new Soaring Eagle Lodge. I've yet to eat there but I'll be taking it all in come July when I spend a week on the mountain. Last fall, the producers of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, came to the Mountain State to do an episode on Appalachian cuisine. Naturally they choose Brian and his Ember to showcase what the state can do. Unfortunately, the food Brian served, squirrel, lived up to the name of the show.
Andrew Zimmerman shows off some squirrel brains with Brian in the background.
Now I've never tried squirrel and have no plans to do so, but if anyone could make it good, Brian and his staff could. Regardless, squirrel never graced the menu at The Red Fox and it will never again be served at Ember, of that I'm sure. Anyways, here is a video of the episode and I hope you enjoy...
Here's a link to some more videos.
The Red Fox at Snowshoe Mountain Resort in West VirginiaOur menu was a work of art, showcasing such dishes as Wild Boar, Buffalo Noisettes, Venison, Rocky Mountain Elk and West Virginia Rainbow Trout. It was an honor to work there and I'll always look back on my time at the Fox with great pride and quite a bit of fondness. The money was sick as we used to joke that we would walk up to our tables, ask to see what was in their wallet and then take as much as we wanted for a tip, it was that insane.
The staff of The Red Fox and Yodlers Pub. I'm the one in the back row with the hat on and my arms around Val, my ex girlfriend and fellow Red Fox waiter.Anyways, I left the Fox in 1999 to persue my teaching career and sadly, The Red Fox is no more. Brian Ball, the owner of The Fox has since opened up several new eats on the mountain and one of them is Ember, an equally upscale dining experience in the new Soaring Eagle Lodge. I've yet to eat there but I'll be taking it all in come July when I spend a week on the mountain. Last fall, the producers of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, came to the Mountain State to do an episode on Appalachian cuisine. Naturally they choose Brian and his Ember to showcase what the state can do. Unfortunately, the food Brian served, squirrel, lived up to the name of the show.
Andrew Zimmerman shows off some squirrel brains with Brian in the background.Now I've never tried squirrel and have no plans to do so, but if anyone could make it good, Brian and his staff could. Regardless, squirrel never graced the menu at The Red Fox and it will never again be served at Ember, of that I'm sure. Anyways, here is a video of the episode and I hope you enjoy...
Here's a link to some more videos.
One Of Those Days
Today was one of those days, they come a bit more frequently of late, that I'm wondering if I've made the right decision. Ever since I first came out, I've had days where I've either regreted the whole thing or wished it had never happened. Little has turned out like I had either hoped or expected. There have been a lot of setbacks and a lot of very brave steps forward. Things have gone quite right in many respects, look at my career for one, but as is usally the case on days like today, I'm just not that happy with the whole state of things with regards to my life.
While my family and friends have accepted me for who I am, the fact is, I haven't. I don't get upset anymore when someone calls me "sir" or "mister". I know what I look like, I can see it everytime I pass a mirror, and trying to live my life as female is incredibly frustrating and somewhat depressing. I'm way too tall, I hate my hair, I have trouble finding clothes that fit and my features, despite a lot of plastic surgery, don't look anymore feminine than they did when I started. No one ever, and I mean ever, mistakes me for female. It just never happens and eventually it just gets you down.
During all of this, the internet has been both a blessing and a curse. I've met some very wonderful people and have been inspired and motivated by girls who were way braver than me. At the same time, I can't help but notice that many of them have been so much more successful than me. They look better, have better fashion sense and move about the world with the ease of genetic females. Increasingly, I try to avoid any blogs that have to deal with any gender issues. It's one reason my own blog has migrated more and more from a tale of transition to just a collection of writings about things that interest me.
I really do hate this life. More than anything, I really do wish that I could have taken a pill to make it all go away, a la the Matrix. This life is a curse and one that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I certainly never asked for it and lord knows, I fought it every step of the way. Alas, it got the best of me and I made a decision, one that I'm not always sure was the right thing to do. Anyways, I've already gone down that path and at this stage of the journey, I'm not sure that I can change directions.
While my family and friends have accepted me for who I am, the fact is, I haven't. I don't get upset anymore when someone calls me "sir" or "mister". I know what I look like, I can see it everytime I pass a mirror, and trying to live my life as female is incredibly frustrating and somewhat depressing. I'm way too tall, I hate my hair, I have trouble finding clothes that fit and my features, despite a lot of plastic surgery, don't look anymore feminine than they did when I started. No one ever, and I mean ever, mistakes me for female. It just never happens and eventually it just gets you down.
During all of this, the internet has been both a blessing and a curse. I've met some very wonderful people and have been inspired and motivated by girls who were way braver than me. At the same time, I can't help but notice that many of them have been so much more successful than me. They look better, have better fashion sense and move about the world with the ease of genetic females. Increasingly, I try to avoid any blogs that have to deal with any gender issues. It's one reason my own blog has migrated more and more from a tale of transition to just a collection of writings about things that interest me.
I really do hate this life. More than anything, I really do wish that I could have taken a pill to make it all go away, a la the Matrix. This life is a curse and one that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I certainly never asked for it and lord knows, I fought it every step of the way. Alas, it got the best of me and I made a decision, one that I'm not always sure was the right thing to do. Anyways, I've already gone down that path and at this stage of the journey, I'm not sure that I can change directions.
The Sun Isn't Shining Brightly On My Old Kentucky Home
It's Derby Day and the for the past week, the city has been alive with festival events, crazy bar hopping and celebrity filled parites. For one week, Louisville feels like one of the biggest cities in the world and this has been that week. In just a few hours, 19 colts will run for the roses, the morning line favorite was scratched this morning, but so far, the weather just isn't cooperating. Last Saturday saw temps in the upper 80's with sunny skies. Today, it's cloudy and unseasonably cool with temperatures just a touch above 60 degrees. It rained hard last night but so far today, the showers have stayed to our south, so it's not a total washout.
When I was younger, I used to always look forward to Derby Day and the huge party that is the Infield at Churchill Downs. It's decadence to a whole new level and is something that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. I've probably been to over 20 derby's but none in the past decade. I've split my time between the party inside the track and the grandstand with all the rich people. Both are fun and being at the Kentucky Derby is to see one of the world's great sporting events. All in all, it's a very magical time and being in Louisville for that week is one of the greatest thrills in the world.
But you know what? As I've gotten older, I've become less and less interested in the whole goings on. My bar hopping days are behind me (The bars don't close here this weekend as they are allowed to stay open 24 hours a day) and I just don't like fighting the crowds like I used to. So how did I spend this Derby Day so far? I went for a couple hours of electrolysis, that's how. Pretty lame, pretty lame.
When I was younger, I used to always look forward to Derby Day and the huge party that is the Infield at Churchill Downs. It's decadence to a whole new level and is something that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. I've probably been to over 20 derby's but none in the past decade. I've split my time between the party inside the track and the grandstand with all the rich people. Both are fun and being at the Kentucky Derby is to see one of the world's great sporting events. All in all, it's a very magical time and being in Louisville for that week is one of the greatest thrills in the world.
But you know what? As I've gotten older, I've become less and less interested in the whole goings on. My bar hopping days are behind me (The bars don't close here this weekend as they are allowed to stay open 24 hours a day) and I just don't like fighting the crowds like I used to. So how did I spend this Derby Day so far? I went for a couple hours of electrolysis, that's how. Pretty lame, pretty lame.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
