Who Am I Kidding?

It's turning into one of those weeks where I begin to have serious doubts about myself. As I've been doing research with regards to SRS, I've come across a lot of blogs that feature girls who have also had facial feminization surgery. Without fail, all of them have had far better results than I had. It's depressing and it makes me so angry. I always considered that surgery the most important one and I still feel the same way, but now, nearly a year later, I still find myself wondering what in the hell happened to me. Why did it turn out to be such a fucking disaster? Why were the results of my surgery so much worse than nearly all of his other patients? I know it's self-pity and I hate feeling this way, but I had such high hopes and to see them totally dashed just hurts like you cannot believe.

More later as right now I'm just too upset.

4 comments:

Anonymous | April 29, 2008 at 6:09 PM

I know the frustration and bitterness you feel. I had FFS 10 weeks ago and I am left with partial paralysis in my lower lip which makes it difficult to talk without a lisp. I still hope that the muscle control will return some day but as each day passes with no improvement, it is more likely to be permanent. My overall appearance is different but I'm not sure if it is more feminine or not. The chin reduction I had has left a lot of loose skin making me look older. I now have a set of jowles which wern't there before. No one at work said a thing to me about my facial surgery. I guess they follow the rule of "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything.". I'm sorry I can't offer you any words of encouragement but I hope this response helps in letting you know that you are not alone in how you feel.

JenL

Anonymous | April 29, 2008 at 6:09 PM

I know the frustration and bitterness you feel. I had FFS 10 weeks ago and I am left with partial paralysis in my lower lip which makes it difficult to talk without a lisp. I still hope that the muscle control will return some day but as each day passes with no improvement, it is more likely to be permanent. My overall appearance is different but I'm not sure if it is more feminine or not. The chin reduction I had has left a lot of loose skin making me look older. I now have a set of jowles which wern't there before. No one at work said a thing to me about my facial surgery. I guess they follow the rule of "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything.". I'm sorry I can't offer you any words of encouragement but I hope this response helps in letting you know that you are not alone in how you feel.

JenL

Kelly | April 29, 2008 at 9:28 PM

Hi Jen,
THanks for stopping by. It is incredibly frustrating and like you, no one ever says a thing about my surgery but I can see it in their eyes and reaction to seeing me for the first time. It's that look of "oh, I guess I was expecting more." Yes, my face does look a bit different, but not the way I was expecting. My expectations were realistic going in but for some reason it just didn't work out.

If you read this Jen, can I ask who did your surgery? I had Dr. Zuckowski in Chicago. I know several of the girls who had work done by him and all of them turned out amazing.

Anonymous | April 30, 2008 at 6:37 AM

My doctor was Dr. Ousterhout in San Francisco. I think all doctors have patient with less than spectacular results. These patients just don't get the visibility on the internet that the good outcomes get. I certainly don't want to post my pictures and wave the flag proclaiming how unattractive I look. I felt bad enough about myself before surgery, why do I want to draw more attention to myself and have everyone agree that I don't look good.

JenL