Mixed Emotions and Does That Make Me Less Authentic?

On the one hand, I'm pretty sure that once I have my surgery, I'll want to somehow have a boyfriend but I still can't shake the feeling that women sometimes totally do it for me. I'm still totally smitten with Melissa, this woman that I work with, and last night I had really strange dreams about her. They weren't bad or anything like that, not even R-rated, but even after waking up several times, she kept popping back into my mind. There's no chance of anything happening and yet everytime I see her, my heart skips a beat and I get all hot inside. Everything about her seems to be wonderful and I know that she and I are and will be friends, but dammit, I would give just about anything to have just a small chance at going out with her, she's that awesome. My question then becomes, does this make me sense of being female less authentic?